I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
