Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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