so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
