My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
