YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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