You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
