the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
