Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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