Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You are a genius and a whore.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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