i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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