Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
