i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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