He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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