Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize