I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
