If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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