I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
