Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
