If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
