I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
