I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
