May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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