I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
