put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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