he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
