yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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