Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
