drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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