well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
