Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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