Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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