Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
