Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
