Im at strip club and am horny
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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