so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
