Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
