I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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