some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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