i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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