Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
