I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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