its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
