if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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