capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I FOUND THE LEGS
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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