The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
