first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
