it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
