fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
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