Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
