I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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