My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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