so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
