She is in my trunk
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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