i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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