it was like his penis was on wheels.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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