just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
