The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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