Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
