doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
