sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
