Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
