and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
