Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
