stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
